Back to reality

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Simon T, modified 12 Years ago at 12/22/11 4:18 PM
Created 12 Years ago at 12/22/11 4:18 PM

Back to reality

Posts: 383 Join Date: 9/13/11 Recent Posts
6 months ago, I rented my house, sold my belonging and flew to South-East Asia determined to commit my self to a 3 months retreats. My knowledge of Buddhism was almost null at that time but I knew for a fact that those guys in robe knew more than any psychiatrists about attention and concentration. Everything I tried before to get my ADHD under control had failed. I spent my entire adult life hoping that things would get better after completing university, after getting a new job, a new relationship, new friends, and so on. I could never catch the damn carrot.

It's now time to go back in the coldness of Canada, get a job, payback my credit card. The 3 months retreats I dreamed of never happened. All I did is three 10 days retreats. I would start each time quite motivated and around the fifth day I would meet my Waterloo. During my second retreat, I experienced quite violent spasms which seem to be associated to all the anxious memories I cumulated over the course of my life. I also experienced a nice sense of wonder while looking at the sky or a butterfly passing by. On my third retreat, once in a while I would get in this state of calmness, when it’s easy to both pay attention to the details of the breath and acknowledging fast anything coming in the six senses.

On my third retreat I made heavy use of caffeine to start my day. Without the use of stimulants, I found myself convinced that an active life is pointless. More than once, I would contemplate living as a monk simply for the opportunity to do nothing.
Since I left my last retreat, I spent all my time in first gear, as Kenneth Folk says it. I don't allow myself any thoughts that aren’t translated in immediate productive work and I acknowledge whatever comes to my five senses. I will eventually write another post about what I learned so far from this adventure. There is definitely a lot to learn from Buddhism but much is to be done to adapt it to the issues a westerner might encounter.

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