Hi there,
So I'm starting a new thread to log things of note that come up in practice, hopefully, all the way up to SE.
I believe I crossed A&P a few weeks ago, just after a retreat. (
Previous thread). I believe I'm around mid-equanimity. As, since my last post, things have stayed fairly stable and pleasantly understated. It actually feels really hard to define, as unless there's a "smooth calm" running through me, it's just... nothing?
I've left this weekend extremely open, so hopefully I can really get some momentum going towards this.
Technique:
Throughout the day I'm switching between Mahasi noting, or just "experiencing/observing" my interactions with the world as fully as I can. Probably more the latter, of late.
While in a sit, I'll usually start off noting the breath. A recent trend in my sits is to bring the attention out wider and wider and try and keep my awareness spacious and then "pin down" sensations as they arise, sometimes trying to perceive further out and out towards "me", but this is really quite difficult and I often enter noticeable concentration shifts. Then I'll drop noting for a bit and see objects that are clearest and try and get a good look at what's going on.
Phenomenon:
In the "deeper" levels of this investigation, it starts to feel as if my whole perception is something like a film reel, with the "eye of consciousness" flickering outwards. I try and look at the flickering, but it's very hard to pin down. It's a lot slower than the "vibrations" in less concentrated observation, only a couple of times a second perhaps.
In a few good sits, looking into sensations in my nostrils/cheeks, there have seemed to be "blobs" sort of pulsing in and out slowly and boldly. Need to try and see this again to say more.
Questions:
One thing I'm not certain about. When people say "see the 3 C's as clearly as possible", should I be interrupting clear-cut awareness of sensations to think "Dissolution", shift my perception a little, "Suffering", shift, "No-Self". shift? The phenomena definitely feels different each time I do this, but part of me wonders if this will happen by default just by observing consistently.
I'm planning on trying to nail some concentration practice tonight, as this is something that is still quite puzzling and probably stalling me with "what is this?". One thing I can seem to re-produce fairly easily is, getting full body awareness, and then "pushing" all of it into a definite wider area of consciousness, it just shifts. As if everything I was previously perceiving is now in a doughnut of outer awareness, and it's all just very calm and darker. Reading through descriptions, this sounds like 2nd Jhana, but I'm reluctant to categorise it. Any advice?
Thanks for reading.