Hi,

I am a 38 year old asian male. I have done six 10 day and one 20 day vipassana course S.N Goenka sytle. I got into tantric sex practice 4 years back and did tantric practice with my wife for 2 years. I must have overdone the tantric practice. After that all hell broke loose. I started feeling very trouble some sensations in my head , had unexplained fatigued and other other symptoms for the past 2 years.

I have been celibate for the past 2 years and have abstained from tantric practice at all. But my problem now is when i sit to do vipassana i feel something rising to my head and if i meditate for more than 30 mins my head is heavy and I feel such overwhelming sensations in my body that I totally become functionless. I just sit there and I feel so heavy in my head and body that I cannot work or take care of my family obligations. I have tried a multiple times to do vipassana and everytime the same result.

The problem is i so want to meditate as if my body is demanding it. But when I mediate I end up worse than before. For the most part there are uncomfortable sensations in my head.

I have done blood tests and brain MRI and everything came normal. When I break celibacy I have massive headaches hence I am practicing celibacy. These could be kundalini symptoms and maybe my crown chakra is active, but I want a way out. I am really suffering here. Can someone help. I try to maintain equanimity but it is really overwhelming.

Has someone gone through this and is there a way out ?

If vipassana is triggering overwhelming sensations, don't do it. Try switching to some kind of concentration practice instead, and come back to the vipassana when your attention is more stable. When you're ready to go back to vipassana, always precede it with a period of concentration-based meditation to stabilize attention.

Also, do shorter, more frequent sessions if sessions longer than 30 min cause you problems even after you change to a concentration practice.

Hey Vic,

I understand how you are feeling. I have been going through similar things right now, except for me the pressure is in my bowls. The best thing to do is to stay calm, no matter how desperate things may seem. Just keep having faith in your practice even though you may be feeling you are losing yourself. When you make decisions don't doubt yourself or hesitate, just do it and forget the rest. Don't box yourself in with unnecessary rules or worries about people or things. Just do your best to stay balanced.

Also I highly recommend not trying to "meditate your way out of this." From my experience this usually just ends with "myself struggling with myself." Just let things ride.

The problem is the moment i try to go introverted, focus on breath (anapana) or vipassana i feel something is going to my head. If I persist with vipassana or concentration excercise of anapana, these sensations become very pronounced especially on my crown chakra and third eye. That's alright but when I get back to life after meditation my day becomes a living hell. I am so scared to do vipassana. I was a ardent vipassana guy and was did it regularly and faithfully and life was so good. Then this sexual tantra came in and my life has been on a downward spiral every since. I just don't know what to do.

Losing vipassana was like losing a big anchor. The calmness and steadiness i felt after a session or just an place where I could go and take refuge is lost. I feel so lost. I had a feeling that there would be a lot of people like me but it seems that there are not many as I have gone through hundreds of kundalini posts as well as vipasssana posts in various forums.

Would anyone know of a good kundalini teacher who has vipassana experience too? A guide at this stage would be of immense help

And I agree that "meditating my way out of it" does not work at all.

For me the following is a big signpost for me:

"The problem is the moment i try to go introverted, focus on breath (anapana) or vipassana i feel something is going to my head."

I recommend stopping this approach. Instead find pleasant sensations and focus on those.

Send me a PM if there is more I can help you with.

Fifth edit: you can do it! Just try to relax and enjoy the present moment. I would need more phenomenological information before I recommended anything further.

Hi Vic,

I have not had the head issue be so debilitating off the cushion, I have had a problem with strong painful pressure, repetitive "popping" sensations that were quite scary, etc. in my head. Enough to cause me to stop meditating, stop doing concentration practice etc. It seemed to be whatever i did that involved directed attention would cause this, be it insight or concentration. This became an issue for me after I had a spontaneous kundalini awakening (was not doing tantric pracitces or energy practices, just vipassana). The first 6 months of that process did affect me all the time in other intense ways, but the head thing seemed to be mostly when sitting.

The advice i got from vipassana teachers on retreat in general is that it was probably from concentration, and to stop. Which was not what i wanted either (2 years later i still have the palpable energy, although its friendly now, and it does feel almost mandatory for me to sit).

Eventually I did get some advice about my head pain/discomfort that helped from Thanissaro Bhikku. If you are around Southern California you might consider checking in with him at his monastery. He teaches some meditation techniques based on his teacher's instructions that sound very much like taoist energy practices to me, although from what I can see people who don't have palpable energy can benefit from them just as ways to focus on body sensation and breath. Anyway part of the practice is seeing/feeling/visualizing the breath coming in through one part of the body and flowing through various channels to exit another (i am probably doing a disservice in my summary so if you are not familiar with his extensive teachings to be found online you should!) . For me he recommended visualizing the breath coming into the area causing me distress (the head) and moving out in all directions past the physical boundaries of my skull. And to do this to diffuse the discomfort as much as necessary. I still feel buildup and activity there, but i can dissipate it and then move back to what i am doing (insight, concentration, whatever).

At the time when i did have crazy intense 3rd eye pain/pressure i got advice and a simple movement practice that really helped guide the energy away from that spot from a qigong teacher. This was pretty early on when things were very intense in terms of gross sensations of movement internally. You might look for someone who teaches qigong at a retreat center etc. who therefore has experience with helping meditators, or another high level teacher of qigong. At least for me, my experience of the energetic phenomena seemed to map more closely to taoist descriptions vs. yogic ones.

I did not find a kundalini teacher per se (i talked to one guy who had a lot to say about "the goddess" and devotional manifestations of energy which didn't really fit for me).

In general i have found not much support for kundalini related issues in the insight meditation communities as it seems to be an issue for only a fraction of people in the scene including teachers (it felt really alienating for a while). I can say Shinzen Young is very well versed in working with all sorts of strong experiences too, although he helped me mostly with mediation support when navigating the strongest experiences vs. dissipating energetic phenomena.

Good luck!

How do you feel in everyday life? Can you feel something around your lower-back/tailbone? Can you get the brain tension to pulse? How is your memory and cognitive functions? When you say it's hard to function, what you mean by that?

I had the same problem for about half a year in 2007. I can't tell if I got it from doing Vajrasattva practice badly or from doing the style of anapana meditation that they teach at Goenka retreats, which is known to cause headaches for some people. It may have been from the combination of both, since after a while, both practices would trigger the problem. I had a very good qigong doctor in China fix the problem with some very expensive herbs.

A good qigong doctor should be able to fix this. I don't mean someone who is only or primarily an acupuncturist. If you're near Toronto, you may want to try Dr. Chu Chow. I have two friends who have been treated by him and recommended him highly. See http://www.canadachikung.com/about.html

Failing that, find a reputable teacher of Zhineng Qigong, which is a widely practiced medical qigong system that can clear essentially any blockage. If you learn it and practice it yourself for some time, it should clear the problem, assuming the teacher can't clear it themselves. I'm hesitant to recommend other forms of qigong, as there are some horrible qigong teachers out there that teach things that can make a person's health worse. There are also some very decent systems, some of which have medical applications, some of which are more martial or otherwise specialized and have more to do with kung fu or esoteric Daoist goals than clearing blockages. It's not easy to judge if it's good system or well taught. One decent test of a qigong practitioner with healing abilities is that they can feel or see the blockages in your system from not too far away.

If you do decide to learn Zhineng Qigong, it's best to find someone who isn't more than one teacher removed from the system's founder, Dr. Pang Ming. I've practiced it in the past, but don't do it anymore, since I prefer to focus on Mahasi-style vipassana.

Hello sir,

In regards to the kundalini issue you may want to contact the owner of Buddha Brats.
He claims to have completed the kundalini process within a Dzogchen context. Perhaps he can help you.

One of the things that sticks out to me in your post is the practice of tantric sex, tantric sex if practiced unconscientiously is said to be "extremely dangerous". In fact before one is even allowed to engage in tantric practice in general, it is said that one is supposed to receive an initiation from a qualified master. Moreover I believe one is supposed to keep the tantric precepts flawlessly, as well as complete a variety of preliminary practices before one can even engage in karmamudra.

Actually the whole book is right here: Six Yogas of Naropa

The relevant quote can be found at the bottom of the page here:

Karma Mudra

And the other quote in regards to initiation can be found here:

Special Preparations

Did you feel that you met these requirements? If you did not, you may want to ask at the Dharma Wheel forum and see what reparations can be made in regards to breaking tantric vows.

If, however, this is not the case, then it may just be a case of: "practicing sexual intercourse in the name of a religious purpose", which may fall under religious fraudery. In which case, a confession, and realization that this is the case, and a re-taking of the precepts may be the best course of action for you.

Note: Celibacy is not required for Buddhist practitioners. Only abstention from sexual misconduct.

When you say tantric sex practice, what do you mean exactly? I take it that you don't mean the karmamudra practice from a tsa lung system like the six yogas of Naropa or something similar from a formal Vajrayana sect where you and your wife both got empowerments, and learned the techniques from a teacher, etc., or some similar tantric Shaivite system, but rather a neo-tantra practice learned from a book involving visualization, breath control and energy circulation between the partners, but no empowerment from an accomplished master of the practice? I'm just curious. If so, then there's no secrecy vow about describing the practice. I'm curious if you could either very briefly describe it or point to what source you learned it from so people can avoid doing that sort of practice.

Having personally experienced how scary this sort of situation can be, I hope your situation encourages people not to mix energy practices or learn them without a highly qualified teacher.

I also hope that you're able to find someone who is a highly qualified energy healer who can fix this problem in person. If you can't find anyone and the doctor I suggested in Toronto can't help, I can suggest others. If all else fails, let me know and I'll send you the contact info for the doctor I saw in China, who can cut through any energetic problem imaginable, but it might be very expensive.

Yes by tantric practice I mean the neo tantra practice. I learnt it from books and I must have read 25 books on this subject. It basically involved having slow sex an stopping before orgasm and then starting again. I did not do visualization or passed energy between partners because when I tried it, it seemed useless and did nothing.

Yes it is very dangerous to do tantric practices if you have a strong footing in vipassana. It is dangerous to mix vipassana with tantric practice too. From what I understand is that the kundalini gets stirred and it starts to tear through your system. Once stirred there is no way to go back. All the joy and mirth of life is lost. In such situations the advice is to stay away from all practices which helps a bit but doesn't fully help.

I was under the impression that anyone seriously involved in spiritual practice would be involved in tantra too and it seems that spiritually inclined people might want to explore this sexual tantra area, But it seems that's not the case. It seems I am the only one who was involved in both.

But I want to clarify that I never mixed vipassana with tantra. When I was doing tantra I did not do vipassana. Now after leaving tantra when i try to get back to vipassana I can't.

I can't have sex because it just amplifies the symptoms, hence I have to be celibate. But being celibate and not doing vipassana causes lot of sexual tension to get stored and since there is no outlet that leads to more again energy trying to go to the head and sensations in head. But this state is better what i feel after having sex. I am stuck bad. Every which way I am screwed.

Tantric sexual practice should come with warning. But it seems that in others it does not cause problems because they have not had their some degree of purification by vipassana as I did . I think tantric practices can be dangerous for people who are moderately advanced in vipassana.

If you haven't tried it yet, you may try yoga postures for throat chakra and see if that allows the energy to flow from the head towards the heart.

I second _ladyfrog_'s advice about Thanissaro's practice. It is actually anapanasati. I assume the anapana practice you are referring to is the one taught on Goenka retreats. This is a very limited version, which does not reflect key instructions/descriptions in the anapanasati sutta, particularly the description of first jhana:



Thanissaro goes into extensive detail regarding these instructions in his book Right Mindfulness, chapter 6. He argues that the sixteen steps in the anapanasati sutta are not intended as linear step-by-step instructions, but as different tools to be picked up depending on what is arising in the meditation.



Though I think you would also benefit from consulting an experienced energy practitioner, it can't do you any harm to try meditating a few times with this shifted emphasis, and you may find it pays big dividends. I had a similar problem last year, and the approach Thanissaro is pointing to helped me a lot. There's more practical advice about how to meditate this way in his essay Using Meditation to Deal with Pain, Illness & Death.

I just want to take time and thank fivebells, A D R, ladyfrog , Jigme Singye and Roger that for taking the time to provide their esteemed advice to me.

Keep in touch; let us know how it works out.

This is interesting - I have the same exact issues with overwhelming head sensations with directed attention, although it seems to be easier some days than others. I am going to try a few things but I would be interested also in details from anyone else's experience.

What practices have you done?

general open awareness, breath following for a few years and noting, mahasi and folk for a few years total with a year of metta thrown in.. Generally I am a very 'energetic' person - sometimes metta is too strong for me, like the lovingkindness explodes and fills the room (which is probably unintended A&P) - right now I do choiceless noting, some concentration and I think I will try out Thanissaro's idea above since it is becoming clear to me that I have some kind of blockage in the neck - sometimes if I touch certain spots on the neck there is an immediate emotional response. I will play around with it and see.

Dear Vic,

It seems you've learnt the hard way that one should never indulge in tantric, especially sexual tantric practices just by reading books or manuals, which are generally written by under qualified authors. This also extends further to other systems of Yoga such as Kriya. These systems are extremely sensitive and indulging in them without proper initiations and guidance is like playing with fire.

What Asian country are you based in ? I recommend that you have an audience with either :
1) Senior Vipassana teachers of the Goenka/Body Scanning lineage
2) Guru's specializing in Tantra (will have to look for them in India)
3) Tantric Ashrams in India

I feel they are the best people to guide you and help get your life back together. In my opinion, you've indulged in two conflicting processes which has messed up your energy systems/chakras. If nothing else, visit Isha Yoga Centre in India and try to get an audience with Sadhguru Jaggi Vasudev. He seems like a brilliant master with complete understanding of Yoga/Tantra, but he's one of the really popular ones and might be hard to get to.

I think you'll have to spend some time re-balancing your inner systems.

I wouldn't buy the whole "you really need a teacher" thing. Depending on any single teacher seems to be sub-optimal, as any individual teacher probably knows less than you about some things, more about other things, and most often knows little about your specific problem. I recommend you get information from many sources, and then decide what to do.

Here the take of this particular source, based (1) on my own experience and (2) on the experience of one of my teachers. Energy is going up, but it's not going down. You should focus on opening the downward flow. This is accomplished by working on foundation. Downward-flowing energy feels receptive (let's say "yin"), whereas upward-flowing energy feels erm... expressive, active ("yang"). Focus on the former quality.

(1) All you need is love grounding.

Grounding is developed by working on foundation. Physical stuff: exercise, strength, good food, good sleep. Work with your legs. Focus on your legs and lower abdomen. Do the three amigos of rooting.

I.e., I expect that you won't have a headache after running and sweating for an hour, focusing on your body.

(2) My teacher had the same problem --- recurring, severe and painful headaches brought about by meditation. He told me he solved it by learning to detect and promote downward flow of energy.

An exercise we did in class for this was the following: (after warming up) we raise our arms above our heads, and we focus on the downward flow of blood from hands to arms to chest. We let the blood in and focus and remember and nourish that downward flowing quality. Then we lower our arms, and feel the blood flowing back (again down) into the hands, feel the difference.

He told me that he was able to cure his headaches by applying the same relaxed, downward flowing quality from his head down to his body down to his toes.

Good luck

Hi there Vic Douglas,
If what you are experiencing is indeed kundalini then
I would suggest you do some simple visualizations to bring the energy upwards and through the crown
I have been working with the kundalini for 5 years now and i can't help but want to help you with this
endeavor because the way out is so simple. Keep in mind that we are all different and are at levels in our
spiritual growth. With that said, I will suggest that you learn to silent the mind. Once you have
achieved a relatively still mind. Imagine the energy going up from your coccyx upwards and through the
top of your head and out and upwards, then imagine the energy circling around like so



At first it will feel strange but eventually the heaviness of your head will subside and replaced with
other "feelings" (better than headaches)
From my understanding when there is a high amount of energy building upward without anywhere to go
headaches seems to come to say, "Hey! lead me elsewhere!" ;)

Please give it a try and give it a few days to see if your condition improves.



Well this isn't quite true, the experience really depends on the individual as each and everyone will have a different kundalini
experience but the most important thing is to not believe in the negative aspects of kundalini and there is a higher
chance that it will not manifest. Many people that go through this process are so fearful that they attract the experience
like a self fulfilling prophecy.

My only wish is that you go through this in peace and do more research along with meditation.
As for a "teacher" it would be nice but there are so many fakes/charlatans that it could hold you back or make it worse.
Try this first because from what I can sense, I can tell that you are a strong willed individual that is just missing some vital
information.

Blessings,
Pantheon

This seems to be the opposite of what the arrows on your image show. According to the image you would have to imagine the energy flowing into the crown and then downwards through the arms/ legs and then out and then back again.

Yeah do not follow the arrows because it will build up more energy, I was unable to find one that was attempt to cycle the energy around. So thank you Katze for that

So let me attempt it again, Imagine the energy flowing from the coccyx upward and through the top of your head and going around like a toroidal field. Maybe this will clarify. I was so eager to help that I did not even pay enough attention to the arrows