Hi,
My first post in this forum.
I've been meditating for over 20 years now. The journey started "quite" intensely after a year of daily meditation, back in 2003.
As I look back on it I now am sure that i crossed tha A&P.
Kundalini awakening that shook my world and myself to the core.
Following that experience I've been on a really long journey, taking baby-steps each day towards more and more peace of mind.
I've been searching like crazy, both inside and outside after an answer. Sometimes not even knowing the question. I just knew that I got to complete this, something, the journey, or what label one choose to assign.
I've been experiencing an upward spiral of cycles going from feeling pretty ok, down into the underworld, back to feeling better and so on.
I wondered about this, why one day I felt good, and literally in the next minute feel like total crap. Having amazing days, just to the next day be in agony and anxiety.
Well, what got me to understand what I've been experiencing was when Daniel, in a podcast, explained the cycles of insight. That was a big piece of the puzzle for me. Lots of relief, finding out that other people have been experiencing roughly the same thing. That encouraged me to continue and trust in the process, because of the next stage, equanimity.
Now i find myself (I think) in that stage. It seems to be more or less there regardless of what I do, think or feel. The stages that bugged me seems gone. It feels peaceful and kinda that not much is happening. In some way I miss the fireworks of the previous stages.
My question is, what now?
Do I continue to practice (I guess the answer is "yes")? Do i change my practice? To note is that I almost exclusively have used the breath as my meditation object.
I'm pretty hardcore so I'm not afraid to push forward.
A part of me feels that is not much to do, practice-wise, at my current stage. Though this new stage is an definite improvement, I coast along and feel good all day, I'm a bit lost. Before I had a clear goal, to get rid of suffering and I experienced improvement in pretty much every sit.
I guess I'd like some guidance and what to expect next. What do I have to look forward to?
I've heard Daniel refer to this "trap", that one doesn't feel like practicing and I guess I'm in it at the moment.
Or I'm wrong and I'm in a new stage of the dark night, though I must say there is little to no suffering involved.
Sorry for my wall of text, if someone feel inclined to provides insight, guidance or comment, I'm really open to that.
Regards, Christian
