Please read this thread. There, the author addresses one of the causes of social anxiety:

Problem: It feels like others see something in me that makes me less worthwhile than everyone else. Is this social anxiety or am I just boring?


Then he identified 2 beliefs as causing this problem:

• After getting so many reactions like that, you start to perceive yourself that way, and you internalize the belief "I'm less worthwhile than everyone else." And any time you enter a social situation, that belief lurks in your subconscious - instead of enjoying the interaction, you'll be searching for evidence to reinforce your belief that "I'm less worthwhile than everyone else."
• You mentioned that you also perceive yourself as boring, so that's another belief: "I am boring." And during interactions, you'll look for evidence to reinforce that belief as well. ... What happens is you'll actually start to behave like you're boring and not worthwhile, simply because you have those beliefs in your head.

His solution?

Develop the opposing beliefs - "I am worthwhile" and "I am interesting." - by taking up new hobbies and such, till you reach a point where the new opposing beliefs replace the old anxious beliefs.

How does this method relate to the actualism method of deconstructing the social identity? I see that in actualism one does not develop opposing beliefs; that one does not replace low self-worth with high self-worth. So I guess what I'm trying to ask is that - what would happen to me if I just eradicate anxious/negative beliefs of me? What would happen to me if I stop low self-worth? Without a high self-worth, would not my life become barren and meaningless?

Hello Harry,

You may find the following exchange between Rich and Richard worth your while:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/actualfreedom/message/5661

Regards,
Gabriel

It's a good story. Both the op and Richard's response were well written and fun to read. But I see it as inapplicable. It seems he learned humility at the least opportune time. Well, that is very funny but I don't see how the OP with his low self-esteem could relate.





The advice in that thread was horrendous. It started off well: Identify and remove those self-defeating beliefs. But then it goes on to affirm the whole social order of good vs bad, worthwhile vs insignificant, lovable vs despicable, etc. The very dichotomy that got him in that mess to begin with.

As the social identity crumbles, there will be times when life will feel barren and meaninglessness. The antidote to this is sensuousness. While you are deconstructing the si, you need also practice sensuousness. Instead of building yourself up, you cultivate felicity. Basically, every time you finish convincing yourself not to believe in a certain thing or not to think in a certain way, you return to sensuousness. Felicity is appreciating the tiny things, valuing that appreciation above all else and (since the tiny things are the only thing that one can ever rely on), that creates a sense of well being. After all, nothing can ever take away the tiny things. No matter what, there will always be something to take delight in.