I've just had some really scary experiences with magick and my mental health is not in a good state. If you think I'm being crazy in this post, I am sorry. I am seeing a therapist but don't really want to tell them about magick stuff.

I might make a second post explaining my situation with more detail but I just wanted to know how likely or how difficult these uses of magick are or if they are even possible. I am afraid that I may have done them accidentally, as I have ability to manifest things but also a split psyche with one part having extremely harmful intentions. I have had some really scary expereinces where this split off aspect of me was trying to use magick to do awful things, In each attempt I felt weird sensations of energy flowing out into the universe. I am aware some of them may sound crazy but If possible I would like advice from people who really understand magick and metaphysics on a deep level.

How easy/likely are the following?:

1. Using magick to kill someone

2. Using Magick to kill someone by manifesting particular freak event that would be quite unlikely in real life

3. Using magick to make someone experience infinite eternal suffering across all lifetimes. (is this even possible?)

4. Same as 3 but the person acts and behaves as though they weren't suffering (would this make it private stealth magick and not go into anyones field of disbelief)

A part of mind seems to think that 3 and 4 are possible because it the intent is for something infinite, so even if its a small bit of counsciousness, its multiplied my infinity. Im not too sure but idk much about magick.

Bonus question 1, How exactly does magick work from a metaphysical point of view? I was an atheist before I had loads of paranormal experiences so it messes with my brain super hard and I can't un see it.

Bonus question 2: If you cast a spell and change your mind, how do you un-cast it or reverse it?

If you seek power - political, supernatural, physical, sexual, you name it - I would suggest to base it (the seeking and the possible power and the use of it) on robust ethical integrity. What for you is really important, really heartfelt and worthwhile?

"If you believe in things you don't understand, you suffer." - Stevie Wonder

In therapy, the aim usually is to let the inner splits to emerge, and then by seeing the fragmented parts to let them integrate into a more whole person. It might become a obstacle of sorts for the process, if one is not willing to share a known split with the therapist.

Being shocked by experiences that are against ones worldview is hard (been there too). I wish you strength, goodwill and wisdom in your path and searching.

I'm not actually seeking power, i really dont want to hurt anyone. but theres loads of repressed dark shadow aspects that want to harm. I'm scared I've done awful things to people I care about.

I would not worry so much about stuff that is "water under the bridge" now  

What I would be interested in is HOW does this reality of mine come to manifest like this?

Can there be a life led by compassion, altruistic joy, loving kindness and equanimity? 


BTW I used to "heal" people with Reiki and would "see" demons hanging on their backs sucking their energy and such. I did realise something else after a while which led me away from "magic powers" towards trying to find the very source of suffering. 

Given the lack of detail it's hard to respond in detail. Therapy works by honesty, ask to work on your shadow part, be honest that you don't like your intentions towards others and wish to explore that part of yourself more. 
Look up a qualified shaman healer and book a session...
 Good luck,
​​​​​​​~D

How did ya deal with those 'suckers'?
Perhaps a good new post...
Thanks, 
​​​​​​​~D

Oh Boy...

Whoever your god is, or whoever the god of your parents/ancestors is, say a prayer to them, tell them your sorry, admit what you have done, have a cry.

That is actual real deal, high level magical advice. 

Also... Talk to your therapist. Try get out of the house into nature. Try speak to or make some nice friends. Ground yourself. 

Many or all of the shadow parts in us are like children who are afraid, angry, misunderstood and confused. They have needs. Their aim to hurt just slightly conseals their real needs.

Somecompassion, listening, care and humour might help to learn to know them. They will also learn some better behaviour when taken care of and given company. Don’t be afraid of them, or the emotions and thoughts. It will be allright.  

@dreamwalker 
Im not interested to start such a topic and to be honest it happened between 2008-2009 so my memory of that part of my life is kind of hazy at best. I do not remember all the technicalities but in Reiki one is not doing the healing anyway, but the Universal Ki is. I would use the Reiki symbols and let it do its thing for the benefit of all. 

However, at one stage, I realized that I had many same folks returning for more healing of the very same (suffering) and I realized that Im not really helping them by filling up their empty (suffering) bucket, so to speak, as their bucket had a hole in the bottom, so it would leak out fast and they would need more filling up yet again. I knew the ultimate answer was in trying to find a way how to address that very hole at the bottom of the bucket! How do we first mend that hole in the bucket and then heal it afterward? This led me to Buddhist meditation in 2010 and then we are here today  

"and I realized that Im not really helping them by filling up their empty (suffering) bucket, so to speak"

​​​​​​​I relate to this so much. It's a weird thing to realize. There's so much suffering and all the well intentioned shit we do to help ourselves, or others is just adding more suffering onto the heap. I think this realization made it very difficult for me to properly orient myself in the world for a long time. 

yup already prayed. Just was wondering how likely each scenario is. Or whether they are even possible. Like how does it even work?

"Like how does it even work?"

Andrew if you truly are interested in how all this works then enquire into your mind with the help of insight meditation. See for yourself how all this stuff we experience is fabricated. 

Best wishes! 

gonna take years for that... one day I hope I will.
just wanted to not be scared of the consequences of having intrusinve thoughts...

Intrusive thoughts, just like ordinary thoughts, just happen. They don't, by themselves, have any power. The idea of thoughts producing actions in the outside world discussed in magick involves intentional thoughts, which are usually repeated as part of a specific, very intentional ritual or formula. In magick theory as I understand it (and honestly I know very little about it) an unwanted thought popping into your head would NOT have a magick consequence in the outside world. 

If you're interested in a complete and well-documented explanation of how magick works, read J. Finley Hurley's Sorcery (Boston: Routledge & Kegan Paul, 1985). Introduction here https://dcame.net/hurley.pdf

 Yeah, also, what you say in your original post, questions 1, 2, 3, 4, seem completely implausible to me and I would say these are just very scary ideas that will cause suffering if believed but entirely baseless imo. 

Best,
​​​​​​​O
 

This topic is breaking the Dho rules found on the homepage 

• No threats of violence, even if metaphorical or aimed at no one in particular

​​​​​​​I'm locking the thread until moderator review.
​​​​​​​~D

While the comments in the first post on this topic are not actively encouraging violence, I'm inclined to leave the thread locked. There have been ample responses about the need for the original poster to continue to seek help and avoid the dilemmas posted.

The thread remains locked.

- Chris
DhO Moderator